He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
