I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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