You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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