One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
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That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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