Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
