Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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