I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
