According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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