somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My vagina is very pro this idea
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize