Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
