I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize