I faked an abortion last night.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
