i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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