Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we made out on top of his cat.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
