and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
