I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
