from now on my penis is your penis
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
