So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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