i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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