I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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