Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
