she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
