i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
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Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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