Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
