I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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