my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
