This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
