soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
