Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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