Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
