Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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