I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
