"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dignity is for republicans.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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