The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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