I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just invented taco cereal.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
