"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
