I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
