bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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