i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I accidentally burped into my bong.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
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Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she peed on how many people?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
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I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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