I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she smelled like a LAN party
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
