we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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