And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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