one word: firstdatebathroomanal
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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