dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
