In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
