She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Come on in and take your pants off
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
