16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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