I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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