Screwed.edu
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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