new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
