It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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