shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
