Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
