I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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