dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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