If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
