Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
