return my video game
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
