You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
